And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
