As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
