he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
