Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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