I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
