Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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