How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
