the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
