Define "chronic" masturbator.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
