Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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