I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And then he peed in my hair
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