thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
