Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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