Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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