I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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