Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
