No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
