Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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