i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
