i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
