Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
