my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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