i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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