you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
