he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
this hospital has no fireball
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
