i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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