I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
third nipple confirmed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
