Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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