I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
