I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found puke in my bra..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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