i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
