this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
