You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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