I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
