omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
