he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Barsexuality is the new black.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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