Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you mean i was at the winter classic?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
