Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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