it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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