His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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