I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
