Midget sex pt 2 tonight
what day is it and did you see me today?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
