she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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