Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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