I showed him my bush... on skype.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
