I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
