there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
