My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
