So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
