everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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