I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
